the SSR's depending on how much power and for how long may want heat sinking, id recommend it, they sell them with sinks already installed, its a bit more money but well worth the hassle if you don't have a known place to put it where you know it'll fit etc etc. you could use a regular relay too but i find that solid state behaves better over the long term, especially in high vibration places, no mechanical rattling around.
the input to turn on the ssr is typically very small, like a few ma, so even a pilot relay would work fine for the switch on them. some controllers limit you on how much power you can route through them or use them to feed a 'turn on' to something. to like 250 ma max. This is another reason i like ssr's as some relays, the coils can draw some really insane power at times and lets say it gets stuck, now you are pulling hard amps, which could damage your signal supply device. also, while this may not be too important, watch the deadband too on the ssr, generally they are small enough so it's not going to be an issue with turn on / off given the range we are working in.
you can go thru a grainger catalog or somewhere similar to get an idea of what kind of ssr's are out there and start narrowing down what you'd want to use, then either get it thru them if they let you or go somewhere where it's cheaper, as they tend to be very proud of their items sometimes

while this may be a fun project, and give some nerd cred

it's really not something that is 'needed' if one just remembers to check the voltages tween the batteries before connecting them. A good rule of thumb would be either to leave em connected, or install it when both are fully charged as an example, that way you know they both are at the proper volts. im assuming the main reason youd want to put the extra tank on is because you are planning on making a longer trip, in which case you are going to charge it up all the way anyways.
if you are running both batteries, you don't want diodes and all that crap in the circuit really, you want them to both charge and discharge the same from use to include charging from both normal charging and regen. Remember the key is to keep their voltages even., As mentioned, regen can put significant power into the setup, and anything like diodes that you put in the main current path just add voltage drops, and losses to the overall power train, not to mention youd have to heat sink the diodes too, and thats even more clutter.
diodes are not going to help at all, and in fact would prevent you from charging the pack from any source, as the bus does not know where the power is coming from, whether it be a charger or regen.
aaron.