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[spinningmagnets]

Hi, my name is Ron, and I write for the new web-magazine electricmotorcycles.com...

I just researched and wrote an article on Zero motorcycles, and if anyone here has any corrections I should make, I will gladly credit you for your help. Thanks in advance...

https://electricmotorcycle.com/zero-history-majorplayers/

[JaimeC]

Fascinating stuff.  As an old-time Buell enthusiast I'm familiar with Abe Ashkenazie and I'm glad to see he's found a home after his last company was savaged by that idiot Keith Wandell (who was CEO at Harley Davidson and made the decision to shut down Buell).  Unlike Zero, Harley had a CEO who NEVER RODE A MOTORCYCLE IN HIS LIFE. 

[Doug S]

Hi, Ron.

As far as I can tell, you're pretty much dead-on in all the facts, and it's a very enjoyable read. I have just a couple of tiny writing-style suggestions. These are just minor quibbles, take them for what they're worth.

First, I wouldn't use so many ... ellipses. I think often a comma would work better, or just omit them entirely. They're intended to indicate an omitted word or thought, and often that's not how you're using them.

Second, I'd avoid saying someone is "smart" if possible. Nobody needs to be told that Adriana Lima is beautiful -- we can see that ourselves! As you've done so well, just describe their accomplishments and we'll get the point.

[Richard230]

I enjoyed reading your article.  Thanks for doing the research and writing it.

[MrDude_1]

Hi, Ron.

As far as I can tell, you're pretty much dead-on in all the facts, and it's a very enjoyable read. I have just a couple of tiny writing-style suggestions. These are just minor quibbles, take them for what they're worth.

First, I wouldn't use so many ... ellipses. I think often a comma would work better, or just omit them entirely. They're intended to indicate an omitted word or thought, and often that's not how you're using them.

Second, I'd avoid saying someone is "smart" if possible. Nobody needs to be told that Adriana Lima is beautiful -- we can see that ourselves! As you've done so well, just describe their accomplishments and we'll get the point.

reading that...  I dont see a problem with the ellipses...

[Richard230]

One other comment: You completely skipped over the 2012 model year.  I had a 2012 Zero and really liked the bike. I once traveled for 100 miles on a single charge using the Zero-modified Motgenergy ME0913 brushless motor and reliable EIG batteries. One fellow even managed to ride his 2012 Zero to the tip of South America. While all of the 2012 bikes were recently recalled by Zero due to the possibility of catching fire, I never had a problem with mine.  However, that recall last month surely must have hurt Zero's "bottom line" for this year. So I see 2012 as being an important transitional year for the Zero company that has come back to haunt them.

[Scotchman]

I agree, the ellipses are difficult to read.  I'll add that the question marks in the middle of sentences are also not great.  There are a handful of other typos an editor should catch (misuse of apostrophes, general sentence structure problems, etc).

But you probably didn't come here for grammatical corrections.  The content of the article is great.  Just get a good editor on board and this site should be a success.

[Doug S]

...But you probably didn't come here for grammatical corrections.  The content of the article is great.  Just get a good editor on board and this site should be a success.

I agree entirely, and I didn't mean to start anything. Just trying to help a writer polish his craft.

[BrianTRice@gmail.com]

Thanks for laying this out in one article. Obviously it's hard to stitch together corporate history from an outside perspective, but it helps that you're linking to sources.

I do agree that some editorial guidance would make this a better read. A quick consultation with a professional (one-time, not ongoing staff cost) would probably help develop some rules to apply to your own writing.

[togo]

Hi, my name is Ron, and I write for the new web-magazine electricmotorcycles.com...

I just researched and wrote an article on Zero motorcycles, and if anyone here has any corrections I should make, I will gladly credit you for your help. Thanks in advance...

https://electricmotorcycle.com/zero-history-majorplayers/

Thanks for writing that!

[spinningmagnets]

Thanks for the great responses. I appreciate everyone here taking the time to add their thoughts. On my next day off from work, I will go over everything and add some polish to it with your suggestions (I have an odd work schedule and long hours)

[dennis-NL]

When I was reading all, it was like: Yep, I want to ride now!
And jumped on my Zero as fast as I could and kept smiling till get home again.
So, you did something good, that even a Zero owner like me was feeling the Zero vibe from your article !!

[spinningmagnets]

"I once traveled for 100 miles on a single charge using the Zero-modified Motenergy ME0913 brushless motor and reliable EIG batteries."

Richard230, Do you (or anyone else) have links to pics of the 2011/2012 motor? If you can help me with this, I would gladly add your web-name to the link in the upcoming article on the Zero motorcycles tech history...

Ellipses? I prefer to write as I talk and think (*minus the drooling and restraining orders). A comma has a certain amount of pause, but an ellipse?...(*hesitates slightly to look off into the distance, while collecting his thoughts, scratching his chin while sipping a Cuba Libre, in order to find the best possible words to describe what he is desperately trying to convey...).

Should I use fewer ellipses? Should I use more commas? (*and what about superfluous question marks??) Perhaps I should embrace a more Hemingway-esque style of communication, with many short sentences, punctuated by insouciant periods? Perhaps...a bad style of communication is sometimes better than no style?  (*glances over to the ancient 12-ga shotgun, ponders my upcoming electroshock treatments, but decides...not today, my cold friend...not today)

[BrianTRice@gmail.com]

The unofficial manual motor entry links to the Motenergy 0913 page at http://motenergy.com/me0913.html

https://zeromanual.com/index.php/Unofficial_Service_Manual#Motor

[heroto]

Interesing article, thanks

More style advice:
Ellipses already mentioned
Please omit the extraneous punctuation throughout the article. Extra quotation marks, all or most of the Oxford commas, all or almost all of the parentheses, apostrophe in a plural (Never!), etc. etc.
In the honorable mention part about Abe, I think you mean “in addition to”, not “in spite of”
Simple declarative sentences are more clear and easier to read than zig zagging around - your readers will thank you for sparing them whiplash!

How many motorcycles is zero selling?